Being the moment

I had 'an experience' during Zazen a few weeks ago.

I had become aware that no matter how focussed I was, there was still a residue of self there - a sense that the phenomena in my awareness were being observed. Right at the end of a half-day zazen session, Rose - the lady who directs our sittings - said a few words about 'being one with the moment'. I 'tried to become one with the moment', wondering what it meant exactly and suddenly it seemed as if there was not the slightest bit of space between 'myself' and 'phenomena'. This lasted for several minutes and then I had a powerful sense that 'me' and 'that moment' were one and the same thing. There was 'only one'. It wasn't an idea, it was a direct experience (without an 'experiencer').

Now, I'm not sure if this would be classified as a 'Kensho' experience or not - unlike the Rinzai sect, the Soto Zen sect doesn't place much importance on such events and Rose said she didn't feel qualified to assess my experience. But she did say, and I've heard the same advice many times, that it was important not to be attached to the experience - not to try to reproduce it.

It seems like wise advice but then again it doesn't seem difficult to take myself through the same steps - instead of 'just sitting' actively try to 'become one with' phenomena in the same way only to realise once again in a very direct way that that 'I cannot avoid being one with phenomena'.

Ahh...the temptation to the dark side is strong...

...Back to the washing up.